Best Friend Application
1. What is your name?
2. What is your quest?
3. What is the capital of Assyria?
4. Did you know those are all from Monty Python and the Holy Grail?
5. Who is the funniest person you know?
6. Who is the funniest person ever in the history of the world even though you haven’t met some people?
7. What does the earth revolve around? (hint: the correct answer is not “the sun”)
8. Who makes the best cookies?
9. How old are you?
10. If you’re under 18, do you have permission from your mom to even be talking to me?
11. Will you cater to my every whim and need?
12. What would a good nickname for me be?
13. What 50 words best describe Lynn MacDonald?
14. If you think I’m a bitch, is it necessarily a bad thing?
15. Do you like this font? If not then why not? My favorite person Keely decided she liked it… Answer the question.
16. One time at band camp… (please finish the sentence in the funniest way possible. You will be graded. This question is worth five points of your final grade! If your answer cannot be read to class, then you should have written a better one – one you are proud enough of to read to me and my entire family.)
17. What is the average velocity of an unladen swallow?
18. What type of music do you listen to?
19. Who would you rather spend a half an hour with: Lynn MacDonald or Michael Jordan or George W. Bush?
20. Why on all these tens numbers does it keep indenting?
21. And now it’s back to normal. What’s the deal with that?
22. Okay, wait. Now it’s doing it on this one. Is it because it’s the first number on the page? What is your philosophy?
23. Are you aware that hundreds of people have been fired from my best friend position?
24. Can you handle the pressure?
25. Are you easily intimidated by Lynn MacDonald’s superior intellect, sense of humor, and incredible looks?
26. Do you think I’m full of myself?
27. I’m not. Get over it. This isn’t a question.
28. Have you ever won a wet t-shirt contest? If so, how much money did you win?
29. Can you BUST A MOVE?
30. What are your favorite movies? Choose wisely…
31. If you’re a boy, are you willing to date my amazing daughters, Keely and Andie?
32. You would realize that you wouldn’t date them both at the same time, right?
33. Would you rather read:
a. Star (aka “smut”)
b. Sports Illustrated
c. The Wall Street Journal
34. If C was your preferred choice, do not go any further. If A was your choice, give me the scuttlebutt. If you chose B… then you aren’t very special, are you?
35. Are you a Yankees fan?
36. If so, can you be converted to a rabid red sox fan?
37. Or maybe just a regular red sox fan?
38. Rabid is preferred. Foaming at the mouth is good…
39. Are you answering these questions honestly or just sucking up?
40. What do you think of a martyr starter kit?
41. Have you ever seen such a kit?
42. Would you willing to market it for Lynn MacDonald
43. EXTRA CREDIT: Are you willing to call on a daily basis?
44. What do you think of the word “strategery?”
45. Do you think I’m getting off-topic?
46. If so, explain why. If not, then how come?
47. Show me the money… SHOW ME THE MONEY!!!!...?
48. What movie is that from?
49. I knew that. Why did you tell me?
50. Do you like it when I repeat my hilarious stories?
51. A lot of times?
52. A whoooooooooole lot of times?
53. Are you sure?
54. Okay fine. I believe you. Should I believe you?
55. What kind of stories can I tell you:
a. G rated
d. X and above
56. I have a lot of X and above. Be prepared.
57. Are you easily shocked?
58. Are you lacking a sense of humor? If so, why are you even bothering to fill this out?
Essays (Worth a lot of your grade. Suck up to the people who grade them – Andie and Keely and myself, the amazing Lynn MacDonald – make sure you do well on it! You may use additional paper if needed.)
1. In a mere 500 words, tell me why you currently have no best friend. What makes you think you’re best friend material?
2. In a well thought-out ENGLILSH paper, tell me what a good question about myself would be. Give supporting details and make sure you use metaphors and similes for good imagery. Extra points given for cool nickname.