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In which i discuss my lawn - Good Enough
The chronicles of an underachiever

Date: 2010-09-10 07:36
Subject: In which i discuss my lawn
Security: Public
Music:Whatever You Like by T.I.
Tags:hilarious stories, in which, kevin, lawn, lynn

Today, I would like to take the time to discuss and subject very near and dear to me: mowing. I know what you’re saying, “What? She mows?” Yes adoring public, it’s true: I mow the lawn. Not because I have to but because I want to. Let me give you some history here.

I grew up here in Greensboro, North Carolina but we did not have a lawn at our house. We lived in the woods and we had a pool in the spot where our lawn would normally be. I had never been anywhere near a lawn mower until Kevin and I went down to visit his parents in Delaware. There was yardwork to be done so I volunteered to drive the incredibly old, decrepit riding lawn mower. To use this mower, you had to hold on to a wire coat hanger that had been somehow worked into the gears to keep the damn thing moving. It was quite an ordeal to keep the hanger balanced just so but I LOVED IT. I had a blast and the next time an opportunity came up for me to use a riding mower, I took it.

Fast forward about three years and Kevin and I move into our first house with our then darling child, Keely. Of course we had a lawn so I learned to use a real lawn mower. Now as any experienced mower can tell you, it’s all about the pattern. Finding the perfect pattern is the “Holy Grail of lawncare” (Kevin’s words, not mine). This particular house had many, many trees and landscaping beds in the middle of the lawn, so every week was a quest for the perfect pattern. There just wasn’t one! So each week I tried something different until one day, the poor mower just died.

I haven’t yet mentioned Kevin’s penchant for buying appliances and the like as presents, but he loves, loves, loves to do that. So one Mothers’ Day, he got me a new lawn mower. I had a great time at the gym with that one folks. All the women were sitting around comparing notes:

Woman 1: “I got jewelry”

Woman 2: “I got a new outfit”

Woman 3: “I got a facial and massage”

Woman 4: “Lynn, what did you get”

Me: “I got a lawnmower”

Everyone: “What?”

Me: “A lawnmower”



You should have seen the shocked looks on their faces. Ah, Kevin, my wonderful romantic man who got me the perfect gift and these women just didn’t understand.

Any way. Back to the tale. So I mow the lawn on a weekly basis because I love mowing the lawn. It is a task where you can actually see exactly what you’ve done. It is immediate gratification and I feel a deep sense of accomplishment when I’ve finished. Of course, I hate trimming and weeding so now that I’m in my new house with a massive lawn, I’ve hired a company to come in every other week to do those irritating tasks. But I still do mow. I think it’s important to mention here that my house is on almost two acres of land. That’s a lot of grass so of course, we needed a riding mower. Well, thank god my birthday was coming up because guess what, I got a frakking John Deere riding mower for my birthday present! You can’t tell me that’s not a sweet gift!

Unfortunately, mowing our lawn requires both mowers as there is a steep slope to part of the lawn and small cut-outs as well. First I use the push mower and get the hills and the little areas and then it’s on to the big boy: my John Deere. This lawn requires a genius to come up with the perfect pattern and it’s been seven years and I’m still not there. But on a bi-weekly business you can find me outside still seeking that elusive Holy Grail.
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March 2013